May 9, 2025 5:02 PM
Feeling intimidated
When I first started playing Pump it Up at the local arcade, I was really intimidated. There was a group of regulars that had probably been playing for years and they were really good. And I was basically just starting to learn the game. Even though I had played DDR a lot as a child, this was only my third or fourth time playing Pump it Up. But it was so much fun, and it made me want to get back into dance games.
Even though Wednesdays were the time to be at Dave n Busters for their half off deal, I decided to only go during off hours where I was guaranteed to not see another dance gamer. It was something about the fact that I wasn't completely new to the game, but everyone around me was so much better. I really felt like I needed to get better on my own before I could play around others.
But I wanted to. I wanted to be a part of this community. It was this impossible longing in the back of my mind for years. As a child, it felt like no one else liked DDR as much as I did, and I was finally meeting people with the same interests as me.
I realize that many people have a similar experience to mine. A lot of people played DDR as a kid, and then fell out of it when it seemed like DDR just stopped being popular in the US. I really thought the game was dead. I had no idea there were so many other people nearby that really liked dance games. I guess I wasn't looking hard enough!
After practicing on my own a bunch, I did get a little better at Pump it Up. And I eventually got over my initial fear and I now feel pretty comfortable around other dance gamers, even the ones that are super competitive. I think it helped to not try and focus on accuracy like many others do. I learned how to play doubles, and I embraced playing without the bar, and I found it way more fun. But I'll also play a set of singles next to someone, and I'm totally okay with struggling and flailing around while the other person gets a near perfect score.
So I've had this desire to learn Teochew for a very long time, probably ever since it stopped being the main language I could speak. It was my first language, but I was like two years old, so I was only really as fluent as a toddler could be. But learning it felt like such an impossible task. Growing up, I barely knew anyone outside of my family that spoke Teochew. For the longest time, I didn't even know what it was called!
At least once I was in college, I knew some other Teochew people were out there. I just thought it was super rare. I had heard about Gaginang, and I thought it was a cool organization, but I was also so busy with school and trying to make friends there. So more time passed, and I felt like I forgot more and more.
I finally did something about it in 2018. This must have been a weird time in terms of the online community because although WhatTCSay existed, I had trouble getting in contact with the developer, and it seemed like the Gaginang website was not getting updated anymore. So I started working on my own app and doing my own research. There were definitely resources available, but what seemed to be lacking was a community.
Anyway, that was a pretty cool project, but that only lasted about six months before I just got too wrapped up in other things in my life.
I think it was some time in 2021 when I learned about the Gaginang discord server. Prior to that, I had really only been in the PA Rhythm Gaming server, plus a few servers that were just close friends and family. And man, I was so overwhelmed when I joined Gaginang. It was by far the most active discord server I had ever experienced. I think I had introduced myself, joined a single hangout, and then didn't talk there again for over a year.
It was such a common experience among the members of the community to have grown up speaking Teochew, but to have forgotten it as an adult, and to want to learn it again now. And to be amazed to meet other Teochew people outside of their own family.
But I was honestly way too busy with work and family and other projects to think about Teochew. I didn't leave the server though. I still wanted to be a part of that community. I was just waiting for the right point in my life when I could devote more time to it. I had a brief stint of activity in 2022 during my sabbatical, but that wasn't enough and work took over my life again after that.
So, here I am now, and I've started to try to learn Teochew again. I know that the best way to learn a language is to try and talk to people that speak it, but honestly? I'm pretty intimidated. It feels like everyone I meet online is so much better at Teochew than I am. And when I try to say something in Teochew, I just stumble over my words.
But I am trying. And I think I'm learning. And maybe one day, I'll feel more comfortable with this too.