October 26, 2025 4:52 PM
what I want: pt 2
I've been feeling kind of tired and a little unhappy lately. Like the cold air hit me and I just want to be like a bear and hibernate.
October 12, 2025 7:24 PM
My mind is B U Z Z I N G
Yeah, that's probably why I can't sleep. I don't go to bed particularly early, but I often wake up way earlier than I want to. My mind thinks about a lot of different things, and I still want to do all the things. So I've been trying to get back into journaling, on physical paper. I've been writing a little every morning, keeping track of how I'm feeling, what I've done the past day and what I want to do the current day. I think it helps to write it all down.
September 30, 2025 3:21 PM
Allegheny Observatory
When I was visiting my sister, she told me that she's always surprised by new things that she discovers in her city. I thought about that, and it honestly felt like nothing in Pittsburgh surprises me anymore. It feels like I just know the area.
Last week, one of the local rhythm gamers organized a meetup at the Allegheny Observatory. I had always known about this place, but I've never really been into astronomy so I never thought about checking it out myself. They were hosting free tours of the place, and I figured I'd join mainly so I could hang out with people.
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Google told me that the observatory gets pretty busy so I should arrive early to get a parking spot. So I left way earlier than I thought I needed to, but getting there was a little ridiculous. There was construction on the highway so I had to drive way past my exit and loop back around, and I ended up at the observatory with only a few minutes to spare. And parking was MADNESS. I think there might be fewer than 10 actual parking spots around the building, and it felt like there were at least 30 people in a single tour (so many rhythm gamers showed up!), so people started parking wherever they felt they could without fully blocking anyone from going around the driveway. It was extremely tight just trying to get around the building.
The tour itself was fine enough. Learning about the history of the observatory was interesting. (Pittsburgh used to literally sell time!) There were some people there that worked there, and a bunch of student volunteers who seemed very overwhelmed by the amount of people that showed up to the tour.
As part of the tour, we got to look at Saturn through an old telescope, and then we got to look at Saturn again through a much bigger and newer telescope! It looked exactly the same to me both times. Saturn was just a small speck, and if you looked closely you could see two moons, which were even smaller specks.
_ . -=(_)=- . Yup, that's what it looked like. kinda
I'm not sure if seeing Saturn was supposed to be the main feature of this tour, but for me the absolute highlight of this tour was meeting Diane Turnshek, an astronomy professor at CMU. Someone asked her what the coolest part of her job is and she said with a smile,
I'm world renowned!
I set out on a mission to make the world a darker place.
She gave a TEDx talk ten years ago about light pollution, and since then she's continued to spread awareness of it. How it affects so much more than just being able to see stars in the sky. She told us about her favorite places to look at stars and what books she's currently into. She was so freaking cool, and I felt like I could listen to her talk all day.
After the tour wrapped up, the group of us explored the building a little more and then we just talked outside for a little. Because we were the last tour group of the day, the parking situation had cleared up considerably and so there was a nice calmness to the air. The observatory is such a chill place, and we stayed there until about 12:30am.
I'm really glad that I attended this tour. I guess Pittsburgh still does surprise me sometimes.
September 27, 2025 2:37 AM
sleep
I'm standing in line at the neighborhood coffee shop, contemplating what drink to get. I want a latte, but I'm not sure if I should get it caffeinated or not. I like the taste of caffeinated coffee, but I was so uncomfortable trying to sleep last night and I don't want to have that same amount of trouble sleeping tonight. But is caffeine really the issue?
...I completely forgot to ask for decaf. Oh well. This latte is...okay. I got almond milk. It was a whole extra DOLLAR. Maybe I can try again with oat, but I'm not sure I like this latte all that much. It's like...weirdly burnt tasting. I kind of wish I got decaf. My mom talks about not eating certain things because it's a "waste of calories", and sometimes I think that certain things just aren't worth the caffeine intake.
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I went to visit my dad's family a week ago, and overall it was a good time, but my sleep was all over the place. My sister and I took a redeye to get there, and I don't think I got more than two hours of sleep. I feel like I used to be able to sleep on planes, but now I'm lucky if I fall asleep during take off and stay asleep for even half an hour. My sister is dead asleep the whole flight. It took so much force just to wake her up when I needed to pee.
So we arrived at around 8am, and I may have taken one short nap during the day, but once it got to night time, I could barely keep my eyes open, and I fell asleep right after hitting the pillow and I probably slept for 10 straight hours. Honestly? It felt SO. GOOD. I don't really want to be sleep deprived, but man, sleeping feels so good when I'm sleep deprived.
The next night I couldn't sleep again. And I wasn't alone. As I was restlessly lying in bed, I could hear so many noises. People walking around, getting up to pee. I saw the glow of my aunt's phone in the middle of the night as she was looking at it. Is this how it normally is here? How do they stand it?
My uncle told me he has trouble sleeping too. He's thinking about everything he can think about and it keeps him up. He gave me some advice: count sheep. Man, I tried it. Maybe I'm bad at counting. I don't think I hit 100, but I also didn't fall asleep because counting seemed worse than just thinking about other things at night.
Luckily I was able to sleep better the third night. I guess that sleep deprivation was kicking in again.
As for right now, I'm sipping my apparently caffeinated latte. I have a little headache and my eyes feel tired. Maybe something changed in me once COVID started because the sleep problems always seem to come back. But at least being in the cafe is nice.
_ /( ) , |/ __! `=====' That's me with my laptop on my lap
May 9, 2025 5:02 PM
Feeling intimidated
When I first started playing Pump it Up at the local arcade, I was really intimidated. There was a group of regulars that had probably been playing for years and they were really good. And I was basically just starting to learn the game. Even though I had played DDR a lot as a child, this was only my third or fourth time playing Pump it Up. But it was so much fun, and it made me want to get back into dance games.
Even though Wednesdays were the time to be at Dave n Busters for their half off deal, I decided to only go during off hours where I was guaranteed to not see another dance gamer. It was something about the fact that I wasn't completely new to the game, but everyone around me was so much better. I really felt like I needed to get better on my own before I could play around others.
But I wanted to. I wanted to be a part of this community. It was this impossible longing in the back of my mind for years. As a child, it felt like no one else liked DDR as much as I did, and I was finally meeting people with the same interests as me.
I realize that many people have a similar experience to mine. A lot of people played DDR as a kid, and then fell out of it when it seemed like DDR just stopped being popular in the US. I really thought the game was dead. I had no idea there were so many other people nearby that really liked dance games. I guess I wasn't looking hard enough!
After practicing on my own a bunch, I did get a little better at Pump it Up. And I eventually got over my initial fear and I now feel pretty comfortable around other dance gamers, even the ones that are super competitive. I think it helped to not try and focus on accuracy like many others do. I learned how to play doubles, and I embraced playing without the bar, and I found it way more fun. But I'll also play a set of singles next to someone, and I'm totally okay with struggling and flailing around while the other person gets a near perfect score.
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