February 11, 2023 12:51 PM
I'm feeling pretty okay right now
Like, in a good way.
The first month of this year has been busy. Way too busy. I somehow seem to keep getting myself in this state at work. But now that it's February, things have calmed down.
This past week was my company's semi-annual company meeting that we traditionally have done in person, but it's been remote ever since COVID happened. As it stands now, this is the last virtual company meeting week, and I am so excited for when I'll get to see so many of my co-workers in person again.
Monday was actually kind of nice. I went into the office and two of my friends were there too. We got smoothies in the afternoon, and we goofed around and didn't work too hard.A bunch of other friends were also going to come in on Tuesday, so we all planned to grab Tacos. At the end of the day I thought, "Wow, this might be the best virtual company meeting yet!"
Then on Tuesday morning, I learned that one of those co-workers tested positive for COVID, so I stayed home for the rest of the week out of an abundance of caution. I never ended up catching COVID from that, but I was pretty bummed about having to stay home.
I wanted to make the most of the week though, so I went for a run on Tuesday, which was the first time in months that I've been running. I did a simple strength workout on Wednesday, and I went on a longer run on Thursday. I also bought groceries and cooked every night. And even though I was kind of sore, my body felt good.
I wasn't terribly invested in all of the work meetings throughout the week. There was a point in time where I would get so motivated every time the CEO spoke, talking about the growth we saw year over year and how every single person contributes to that. And I wanted to do more. Apparently I had been working at "snail pace", so I must have felt like I needed to do more. But I didn't. I have never ever been told that I wasn't getting enough work done.
And now, while I get so much more done every week, so much that people tell me that they can't believe how many tickets I keep cranking through, I still have lingering feelings that it's not enough. Not because I care so much about the company, but because I just have these expectations for myself.
I'm still working on letting go. I'll probably struggle with overworking until the day I quit my job. But this week was okay. This week I took breaks and put exercise and good food and social interactions and even household chores above my work. And I'm finding that when my mind isn't so mentally drained from work, that it's possible to find some time to read and work on my personal projects. And that feels really good.
November 12, 2022 3:57 PM
I'm working again
For the past two weeks it seems like the people in my apartment building are constantly doing laundry. I've had to do my last two loads of laundry at friends' houses. And today, when I don't have to do any laundry, the machine is finally available.
Anyway, I've been back at work for three weeks and it's been an adjustment. Work itself isn't really that bad. It's not as busy during this time of year, and we've made changes to my team's processes so I don't have as many meetings to attend. Work is interesting enough, but not too hard. It's pretty chill.
But work just takes up so much time. How am I supposed to work 40 hours a week, cook my own meals, exercise almost every day, keep my apartment tidy, occasionally hang out with friends, and get enough sleep? I didn't even bring up my personal projects. How do people with families do this? How do other people have so much free time that they get bored?
And there's something about working that gets me so hungry. I am convinced that critical thinking burns more calories than physical activity. I've been eating breakfast every morning, before I start work, and at 10am I'm feeling the shakes, and I need food. It's like clockwork. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with this.
So yeah, I still want to keep saving money so I can retire early and just have more time to do the things I want to do. I don't need a ton of money. I've been tracking my spending and I spend way less than I make, but the unknown cost of health insurance keeps lingering in the back of my head. My dad is currently on COBRA, and I'm looking into options on the healthcare marketplace on healthcare.gov for when that runs out. And holy crap, these options are terrible. COBRA is not cheap. It's like 4 or 5 times the amount he had to pay when he was still working. But the marketplace healthcare options are even more expensive. And none of the options even come close to having coverage as good as what he's getting now.
I hate the fact that getting healthcare is so much of a hassle. I hate that there is even a "healthcare marketplace" to begin with, that you can shop for health insurance. I hate the idea that healthcare is so closely tied to what job you have.
I feel like I shouldn't be complaining about this when I'm privileged enough to even consider retiring early. I'm just trying to help my dad right now, and researching healthcare options has made me very, very tired.
August 7, 2022 2:20 PM
COVID, final part
Man, COVID just threw off my whole summer. I remember going into the summer feeling calmer than usual, yet excited to get more things done for myself. And in the beginning it was going great. But then I went home, and I got COVID, and I've felt kind of in a funk ever since. I want to get back to my projects, but it's been hard to get started. Plus work has been really busy lately, and that isn't helping.
Anyway, in two weeks my sabbatical starts! I'm really really excited, but also a little worried I might not make the most of it.
July 12, 2022 10:22 PM
COVID, part 4
This past Saturday I finally tested negative, and I drove back to Pittsburgh. My fever, sore throat, and nasal congestion all got better pretty quickly, but what's been lingering is the fatigue. The fatigue and constant headaches and feeling completely unmotivated at work. People have told me that this is normal. It's just made me feel bad though because I'm not able to get as much done as I usually do. I've felt like I've been unable to focus at work, and my forehead just has this weird numb feeling to it when I stare at code for too long.
But today felt different. Today was the first day since getting COVID that I didn't feel awful at work.
July 6, 2022 11:35 PM
COVID, part 3.1
Everyone keeps telling me that they hope I feel better soon. My COVID symptoms have not felt worse than any minor cold I've gotten in my life.
It just feels awful to have to stay away from people.
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