February 11, 2023 12:51 PM
I'm feeling pretty okay right now
Like, in a good way.
The first month of this year has been busy. Way too busy. I somehow seem to keep getting myself in this state at work. But now that it's February, things have calmed down.
This past week was my company's semi-annual company meeting that we traditionally have done in person, but it's been remote ever since COVID happened. As it stands now, this is the last virtual company meeting week, and I am so excited for when I'll get to see so many of my co-workers in person again.
Monday was actually kind of nice. I went into the office and two of my friends were there too. We got smoothies in the afternoon, and we goofed around and didn't work too hard.A bunch of other friends were also going to come in on Tuesday, so we all planned to grab Tacos. At the end of the day I thought, "Wow, this might be the best virtual company meeting yet!"
Then on Tuesday morning, I learned that one of those co-workers tested positive for COVID, so I stayed home for the rest of the week out of an abundance of caution. I never ended up catching COVID from that, but I was pretty bummed about having to stay home.
I wanted to make the most of the week though, so I went for a run on Tuesday, which was the first time in months that I've been running. I did a simple strength workout on Wednesday, and I went on a longer run on Thursday. I also bought groceries and cooked every night. And even though I was kind of sore, my body felt good.
I wasn't terribly invested in all of the work meetings throughout the week. There was a point in time where I would get so motivated every time the CEO spoke, talking about the growth we saw year over year and how every single person contributes to that. And I wanted to do more. Apparently I had been working at "snail pace", so I must have felt like I needed to do more. But I didn't. I have never ever been told that I wasn't getting enough work done.
And now, while I get so much more done every week, so much that people tell me that they can't believe how many tickets I keep cranking through, I still have lingering feelings that it's not enough. Not because I care so much about the company, but because I just have these expectations for myself.
I'm still working on letting go. I'll probably struggle with overworking until the day I quit my job. But this week was okay. This week I took breaks and put exercise and good food and social interactions and even household chores above my work. And I'm finding that when my mind isn't so mentally drained from work, that it's possible to find some time to read and work on my personal projects. And that feels really good.