October 26, 2025 4:52 PM
what I want: pt 2
I've been feeling kind of tired and a little unhappy lately. Like the cold air hit me and I just want to be like a bear and hibernate.
So a few weeks ago I was talking to someone that's currently looking for a new job, and I brought up GSG
Didn't you leave that company because you were burned out?
Hmmmmm, I honestly don't remember how I responded. But as I think about it now and read old blog posts, that's not why I left at all. I was working a lot, yes. And when I have work, I put 110% into it even though I know I absolutely do not need to put in that much effort. And it doesn't leave me much time or mental space to work on other projects, and I wanted to work on other projects--projects that I care about.
I actually liked working. I mean, there were things that frustrated me about the job pretty much every day, but I liked the people a lot. I loved going into the office. I recently talked to several different former co-workers of mine, and it felt so good to see every one of them. But one of my reasons for leaving is because I felt more and more disconnected to the company. The amount of in-person interactions were cut drastically after the pandemic started. When I had initially given my 4 months notice, management asked me if I had any requests to change things about my job. I only really had one thing in mind: I wanted to see my co-workers in person more. But that wouldn't be a request to change things just for me, that's me requesting to change things for everyone else. I can't just force people to come into the office. I can't bring back the twice-a-year full company in-person meetings.
Leaving work was about taking some control back into my life because it felt like everything I was doing was because someone else wanted it. And I think I may have regained a little control, but it still feels like I'm not doing enough for myself. I said that 2024 was not my year. I don't think 2025 is my year either.
The one big thing I am happiest about from this year is the fact that I've been working on WhatTCSay. I'm proud of myself for being proactive about it, for reaching out to someone to even get the project up and running. And it kind of does feel like work. I find something frustrating about it almost every day. And I was really dreading attending our monthly meeting today. But after it was over, I felt happier.
Because even though I sometimes feel frustrated throughout it, seeing and talking to other people ultimately does make me feel better. Always.